so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
