where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
