what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it because I queefed?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
