I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
