I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
