Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
