so that wasnt chicken after all
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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