So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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