A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
