I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
