Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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