she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
