I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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