I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
