i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
