you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
being pregnant is like rehab
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
