um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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