I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize