fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
