Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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