no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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