so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize