I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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