my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize