Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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