I heard we made out
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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