There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
