Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
