Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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