you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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