apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
