Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
