Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
