new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
