i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
