bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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