Pregnant stripper...not hot.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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