yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
