The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
