Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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