i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
