i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
