Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
