I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
