I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize