I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
