Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
organizing the empties. That sober.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
