I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
