4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
