no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
