well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
