i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
