just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize