My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
