Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
