Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
