How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
