My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
