i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have feelings that need drinking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize