I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
