Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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