Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
