He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
