i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize