I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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